I feel really ugly this evening. Not just oh im not pretty, I want to pretty, but ugly. My self esteem is at an all time low right now to where I want to cry. Im in Atlanta right now and I just feel so ugly... Its hard enough to not be able to sleep now without motivation of a movie or tv/animation series. I hate having these ups and downs. I am shallow breathing and feeling my old urges and thoughts coming back. I keep trying to tell myself "I am fine and healthy and pretty" but these past days when I get in front of the mirror and try to say it, I freeze up and leave and do whatever I have planned. I feel my 할머니 is becoming an annoyance to me, no not just her but 여러분. I feel trapped and crowded. As in the words of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burtons adaption, "You've lost your muchness." I am losing my muchness and not sure how to bring it back...
Thanks>>
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