Day 2!! and then some..

My anxiety

These past few days have been good and bad, well... more bad then good.

I wont go into detail like the 1st post because its been days but I have been crying or on the verge of tears alot. I feel I am surrounded by family that dont understand or try to. I feel constantly ridiculed for my behavior that at this time is hard to control. No they arent disrespecting me or calling me bad names or anything like thhat. And no im not doing anything destructive or harmful to myself or anyone. I just feel demeaned or to better explain like I am stupid and what I am going through is stupid and not important. Its bad enough I feel like a failure in myy personal life goals. I cant stand people who think I am an idiot. Anything I dont understand, I go understand it. Anything that seems wrong or right, i go find out why. I am very knowledgeable. I like to know things, I may not like to read books but I do read sometimes, rarely but I do research. I have reasons for things I find reasons for things. The people I am surrounded by make me feel disheartened, sad, angry, and filled with malice sometimes. I am tired of hearing the same thing, being questioned on everything I do. It makes me sick, its making me sick. I know I have my own issues to solve which is why I have counseling every other friday but they are not helping. How do I tell them they are apart of the problem.

Physically, nothing to much has happened and I was prescribed a new medicine that I have to take twice a day. It makes all the difference. If you suffer from anxiety or depression, seek help tell your doctor or therapist everything so you can get through the days. I dont rely on it but it helps me with my breathing issues that have come with this.

P.S. I havent checked my pulse in a week!!! I am proud of myself!!

Thanks~~

VLog # 2 Alive World tour

Vog #2

My excitment over Big Bang coming to America for a concert. They have places set for NewYork NY an Los Angeles CA. They arent selling tickets yet but when they do I am getting VIP tickets asap!!!!

check out BIGBANG Facebook to look for upcoming dates and new cities!!!

Korean word of the day!!

I will do 5 since I already have accumalated 21 words lol

Okay!!

Overpass- 고가 도로
      ex.  고가 도로를 이용하다 - take the overpass

Center- 중심
      ex.  파란 공이 중심에 있습니다. - The blue ball is in the
              center.

Seventeen- 십칠
      ex.  숫자 십칠이 나무에 새겨져 있습니다. - The number 17
              was carved into the wood.

First- 첫 번째의
      ex. they didnt give me an example lol I will make one at a later
            date. How about you post your own example

Want- 원하다 v.
      ex.  그는 중국 음식을 원하지만, 그녀는 이탈리아 음식을
             원합니다. - He wants Chinese food but she wants Italian  
             food.

Those are the first 5 I recieved. I will post the next 5 tomrrow. This just to help with vocabulary since that is my problem right now. I lack vocabulary so I cant fully express myself.

Thanks~~

Started a youtube Channel!!

Please subscribe and watch.
I am very shy and I think this will help me with my anxiety and Korean!!

heres the first video:

Day 1, It Was A Good Day!



Painting by me!!

Good Day

Today was very mellow. When I was waken by my aunt at 7:30am only to have just fell asleep at 5:30am, I felt light. My pulse, skin, head, and body all felt light. It is a feeling I get when I wake up and it scares me especially my pulse being light or non-existent scares me to not go back to sleep because i dont want my heart to stop and I die. So I wait until I fall asleep unknowingly only to be awaken at 10am and asked why I am so sleepy -_-...  So when I finally give up trying to sleep and is sluggish and aware of my heartbeat because it felt kind of heavy and hard to take a deep breath. Eventually after getting dressed and refraining from cheking my pulse it got better andwe(my aunt and I) left her house to bring me back home, it was around 12:30pm. So we go to Costco to get some crossants for my grandmother and the household and then carry on our way down the road back to Maryland since she lived in Virginia. As time progressed I realized I still havent eaten and it was making me antsy and my heartrate was getting irregular so I started to check it but my aunt realized this and we started talking distracting myy from my minds thoughts of thinking I would die right in the car. yes scary thoughts. So eventually hunger got the best of me and I convinced her to stop and get something to eat because I was breathing a little heavier by this point. Once I ate I felt great and we eventually made it home. I was happy but my heartrate rose due to the fact I had to haul all our stuff to my apartment myself so it put me into kind of a relapse of checking my pulse but eventually it settled down when I sat down and relaxed and occupied my mind. So eventually I took a shower to calm myself down more and it helped!! so since 6pm I have been fine and have not checked my pulse and kept my mind and mouth busy with activities and food! Compared to yesterday where I checked my pulse all day until my neck became sore and hurt it was a good day!!

Okay Bye~~

Introduction... Hi

Hello or better yet 안녕하세요!!!

My name is Shaniece.

My blog will mainly focus on my Korean Language learning and going through anxiety at 21years old. I have been learning Korean for about 6-7months but for 2-4 months seriously... So it will not be the start of my language learning journey but it is still the beginning. My anxiety problems started to pick up and become a problem about 2-3months ago... So I will be talking about my experience with that. There will also be a few random things thrown in between but it should be relevant most of the time lol. I hope you enjoy this blog and find it useful in any way possible.

Thanks~~