Love Talk #5

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

죄송해요. 바빠서요.

Sorry. I'm in a hurry.

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Love Talk #4

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

잠시 이야기 할 수 있을까요?

Let me talk to you.

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Day #7- Irrelevance...

I feel really closed and irrelevant. Im starting to not care completely. I dont want to end my life or anything but I want to go away. Having noone to talk to seriously about the issues I have but every other week  and an ocassional conversation with my best friend is not enough. To not bbe able to feel comfortable crying even by myself is  stressful. To not sleep unless I am completely unaware of  falling asleep, loosing hours of my day to feel normal when Im still not sure what it feels like. I need human contact but I dont want it or know how to do it. Im generic when its that kind of situation. To not have someone to physically touch and bond with and completely understand what Im going through (even I have a hard time understanding and I have researched it continuously) is weighing on me. Trying to be strong and smile and ignore the comments is not helping. These days have been going downhill for me. I think going on this family reunion trip without support broke me down to a low level. I just want to get away and go to far place and disappear from everyone for a few days... No years but unfortunately I cant. Getting false help from folks who know nothing of what Im going through or even trying. I want to cry... I think my anxiety disorder is transforming into depression. Yes I know anxiety is a formof depression but it is also seperate but can be linked in most cases. In my case, it is becoming overbearing. I just.... Thanks~~

Day 5- Its getting good

Feeling Good

I don't have much to say now. I have been pretty good, maybe a little shallow breathing but it occurs at night most of the time. I have started to ease out of room like leaving the door unlocked or open but that just cannot happen with the family I live with so now I will continue to keep my door closed and locked unless otherwise. My therapist tells me I am under a lot of stress living in my home and being around my family. She said its because they don't understand what I am going through and will not research it but still try to give me advice on what to do. They also handle me with roughness and sarcastic comments like it helps. It does not. Any ways, personally and physically I am doing waaaaaay better than I was 3 weeks ago. I still sleep on my floor in my room . I don't think I am ready to try the bed yet. I have been helping my self-esteem by posting and starting my YouTube channel which requires me to look presentable. So dressing up a bit has been helping me feel better about myself. It also has been helping me with social anxiety or better yet shyness. I am trying to use Skype so that can help also but I am sooooo nervous and scared that I feel it makes the other people who want to Skype me feel bad about even adding me... ahhhhhh.. Overall I feel better for the most part.

Oh and This weekend I am going to Atlanta GA for a family reunion. I am hoping that will give me some good therapeutic space from my room since I'm in here all the time, so it should be fun. I'm going to the zoo ^o^ !!!(kid moment)

Thanks~~

Vlog #5- Me and Kpop

Talking about my relationship with Kpop and how I am not a Kpop Addict.

Dont shoot meh!!

Vlog #4- Big Bang and 2NE1... WTH man???

Not Korean but Kpop and how I am in a dilemma lol

Dont shoot meh!!

Practice #5

More practice short.... I will make a longer one soon!!

Dont shoot meh!!

Day 4... adventurer well i guess

Hello again!!

Okay so these past few days this medicine works like a charm. I am feeling what what it feel like to feel normal and not normal. I know normally you dont feel your heartbeat and abnormally you constantly feel your hearbeat. My mind and body is coming to terms with this not completely yet but it is. This weekend I went out with my sister, cousin and aunt. I was so scared that I might have an attack or start breathing funny or something wrong. But I chose to ignore those toughts and it went fine. I did have instances where my heartrate increased and became loud but I did my breathing exercise and try to distract myself with the things in the mall. Me and my cousin talked about mental illness because she has been through something herself not anxiety but her own problems. that was nice although it was cut short... So I stepped out of my room and explored the world... well just the mall and it seemed like a new experience. I am so used to staying indoors and now in my room all day everyday, that I got tired really quickly and became drained. My eyes were red and I was pale. I was tired. I do go to the gym so its lack of exercise. I think its lack of human exposure that drained me.... My mind and body has been trying to play tricks on me lately though. It tells me to check my pulse. I refuse its been a week or so and I am proud of myself. As tempted as I may be, even now as I write this, I will not... A new symptom has popped up and it makes me feel like I have the wind spand of a windmill. Like I can hold my breath forever and be fine. but I think thats due to my anxiety as well because it is a common trait among anxiety sufferes to hold their breath without knowing so it makes it seem like i can sing a note forever when in fact I cant. I have to to get that under control.. hmmmm...

I guess thats all so bye bye!!

Vlog #3- Dating life

Me talking about my dating life currently or lack there of lol

Dont shoot meh!!

Day 3~~

Not my room lol

My room, My sanctuary, its crowded.

I have been good. I am starting to come to realize what normal feels like. I think posting the youtube videos and praciting/studying Korean is helping me go back to way things were inside of me. Kind of theraputic! It keeps me busy and not worried or thinking about my heart or lungs having problems. One thing I will refuse to be is a hypochondriac. I want to be free from this one day and i feel it is coming soon. These past few days I have stayed in my room. I only leave to get food, the bathroom, and to speak to my grandmother because she is lonely(smh)... I stay in my room sleeping on the floor because its equivalent to the couch. I have tried sleeping in my bed many times since this all began but it makes my symptoms worse and I cant sleep at all.I dont know if I said it before but it all started in bed when I was sleeping when I had an anxiety or panic attack. It felt like I had a heart attack and my heart stopped. worse feeling ever. I havent had another one since then. This week the only things that had me anxious was shortness of breath and heart palpitations which I have ways to help with that. My family has just been quiet about me staying in my room, not really knowing what to say but some send little messages that are sweet. Being in my room is satisfying but its also crowded. Hmmmm... I guess thats all for now

Thanks~~

Korean word of the day!!

Words of the day!!

형용사 - Adjective

        ex. 수식하는 형용사  -  qualifying adjective

시내 전화 - Local Phone Call

        ex. They didnt give me an example. How about you make up 

             one. I will make one at a later date.

도서관 - Library

        ex. 도서관에서 책, 씨디, 그리고 디브이디를 빌릴 수

            있습니다. - You can borrow books, CDs and DVDs from

             the library.

강의 - Lecture

        ex. 젊은 남자는 지루한 강의를 듣고 있습니다. - The

             young man is listening to a boring lecture

폭포 - Waterfall

        ex. 폭포가 너무 예뻐요. - The waterfall is very

            pretty/beautiful.

Okay thats all study hard, I know I am!! 5 more tomorrow!!

Thanks~~

Day 2!! and then some..

My anxiety

These past few days have been good and bad, well... more bad then good.

I wont go into detail like the 1st post because its been days but I have been crying or on the verge of tears alot. I feel I am surrounded by family that dont understand or try to. I feel constantly ridiculed for my behavior that at this time is hard to control. No they arent disrespecting me or calling me bad names or anything like thhat. And no im not doing anything destructive or harmful to myself or anyone. I just feel demeaned or to better explain like I am stupid and what I am going through is stupid and not important. Its bad enough I feel like a failure in myy personal life goals. I cant stand people who think I am an idiot. Anything I dont understand, I go understand it. Anything that seems wrong or right, i go find out why. I am very knowledgeable. I like to know things, I may not like to read books but I do read sometimes, rarely but I do research. I have reasons for things I find reasons for things. The people I am surrounded by make me feel disheartened, sad, angry, and filled with malice sometimes. I am tired of hearing the same thing, being questioned on everything I do. It makes me sick, its making me sick. I know I have my own issues to solve which is why I have counseling every other friday but they are not helping. How do I tell them they are apart of the problem.

Physically, nothing to much has happened and I was prescribed a new medicine that I have to take twice a day. It makes all the difference. If you suffer from anxiety or depression, seek help tell your doctor or therapist everything so you can get through the days. I dont rely on it but it helps me with my breathing issues that have come with this.

P.S. I havent checked my pulse in a week!!! I am proud of myself!!

Thanks~~

VLog # 2 Alive World tour

Vog #2

My excitment over Big Bang coming to America for a concert. They have places set for NewYork NY an Los Angeles CA. They arent selling tickets yet but when they do I am getting VIP tickets asap!!!!

check out BIGBANG Facebook to look for upcoming dates and new cities!!!

Korean word of the day!!

I will do 5 since I already have accumalated 21 words lol

Okay!!

Overpass- 고가 도로
      ex.  고가 도로를 이용하다 - take the overpass

Center- 중심
      ex.  파란 공이 중심에 있습니다. - The blue ball is in the
              center.

Seventeen- 십칠
      ex.  숫자 십칠이 나무에 새겨져 있습니다. - The number 17
              was carved into the wood.

First- 첫 번째의
      ex. they didnt give me an example lol I will make one at a later
            date. How about you post your own example

Want- 원하다 v.
      ex.  그는 중국 음식을 원하지만, 그녀는 이탈리아 음식을
             원합니다. - He wants Chinese food but she wants Italian  
             food.

Those are the first 5 I recieved. I will post the next 5 tomrrow. This just to help with vocabulary since that is my problem right now. I lack vocabulary so I cant fully express myself.

Thanks~~

Started a youtube Channel!!

Please subscribe and watch.
I am very shy and I think this will help me with my anxiety and Korean!!

heres the first video:

Day 1, It Was A Good Day!



Painting by me!!

Good Day

Today was very mellow. When I was waken by my aunt at 7:30am only to have just fell asleep at 5:30am, I felt light. My pulse, skin, head, and body all felt light. It is a feeling I get when I wake up and it scares me especially my pulse being light or non-existent scares me to not go back to sleep because i dont want my heart to stop and I die. So I wait until I fall asleep unknowingly only to be awaken at 10am and asked why I am so sleepy -_-...  So when I finally give up trying to sleep and is sluggish and aware of my heartbeat because it felt kind of heavy and hard to take a deep breath. Eventually after getting dressed and refraining from cheking my pulse it got better andwe(my aunt and I) left her house to bring me back home, it was around 12:30pm. So we go to Costco to get some crossants for my grandmother and the household and then carry on our way down the road back to Maryland since she lived in Virginia. As time progressed I realized I still havent eaten and it was making me antsy and my heartrate was getting irregular so I started to check it but my aunt realized this and we started talking distracting myy from my minds thoughts of thinking I would die right in the car. yes scary thoughts. So eventually hunger got the best of me and I convinced her to stop and get something to eat because I was breathing a little heavier by this point. Once I ate I felt great and we eventually made it home. I was happy but my heartrate rose due to the fact I had to haul all our stuff to my apartment myself so it put me into kind of a relapse of checking my pulse but eventually it settled down when I sat down and relaxed and occupied my mind. So eventually I took a shower to calm myself down more and it helped!! so since 6pm I have been fine and have not checked my pulse and kept my mind and mouth busy with activities and food! Compared to yesterday where I checked my pulse all day until my neck became sore and hurt it was a good day!!

Okay Bye~~

Introduction... Hi

Hello or better yet 안녕하세요!!!

My name is Shaniece.

My blog will mainly focus on my Korean Language learning and going through anxiety at 21years old. I have been learning Korean for about 6-7months but for 2-4 months seriously... So it will not be the start of my language learning journey but it is still the beginning. My anxiety problems started to pick up and become a problem about 2-3months ago... So I will be talking about my experience with that. There will also be a few random things thrown in between but it should be relevant most of the time lol. I hope you enjoy this blog and find it useful in any way possible.

Thanks~~