Love Talk #5

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

죄송해요. 바빠서요.

Sorry. I'm in a hurry.

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Love Talk #4

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

잠시 이야기 할 수 있을까요?

Let me talk to you.

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Love Talk #3

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

친구 기다리고 있어요.

I'm waiting for a friend.

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Day #7- Irrelevance...

I feel really closed and irrelevant. Im starting to not care completely. I dont want to end my life or anything but I want to go away. Having noone to talk to seriously about the issues I have but every other week  and an ocassional conversation with my best friend is not enough. To not bbe able to feel comfortable crying even by myself is  stressful. To not sleep unless I am completely unaware of  falling asleep, loosing hours of my day to feel normal when Im still not sure what it feels like. I need human contact but I dont want it or know how to do it. Im generic when its that kind of situation. To not have someone to physically touch and bond with and completely understand what Im going through (even I have a hard time understanding and I have researched it continuously) is weighing on me. Trying to be strong and smile and ignore the comments is not helping. These days have been going downhill for me. I think going on this family reunion trip without support broke me down to a low level. I just want to get away and go to far place and disappear from everyone for a few days... No years but unfortunately I cant. Getting false help from folks who know nothing of what Im going through or even trying. I want to cry... I think my anxiety disorder is transforming into depression. Yes I know anxiety is a formof depression but it is also seperate but can be linked in most cases. In my case, it is becoming overbearing. I just.... Thanks~~

Day #6- Where's My Muchness?

 

I feel really ugly this evening. Not just oh im not pretty, I want to pretty, but ugly. My self esteem is at an all time low right now to where I want to cry. Im in Atlanta right now and I just feel so ugly... Its hard enough to not be able to sleep now without motivation of a movie or tv/animation series. I hate having these ups and downs. I am shallow breathing and feeling my old urges and thoughts coming back. I keep trying to tell myself "I am fine and healthy and pretty" but these past days when I get in front of the mirror and try to say it, I freeze up and leave and do whatever I have planned. I feel my 할머니 is becoming an annoyance to me, no not just her but 여러분. I feel trapped and crowded. As in the words of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burtons adaption, "You've lost your muchness." I am losing my muchness and not sure how to bring it back...

Thanks>>

Love Talk #2

 

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

누구랑 만나기로 했나요?

Are you waiting for someone?

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Day 5- Its getting good

Feeling Good

I don't have much to say now. I have been pretty good, maybe a little shallow breathing but it occurs at night most of the time. I have started to ease out of room like leaving the door unlocked or open but that just cannot happen with the family I live with so now I will continue to keep my door closed and locked unless otherwise. My therapist tells me I am under a lot of stress living in my home and being around my family. She said its because they don't understand what I am going through and will not research it but still try to give me advice on what to do. They also handle me with roughness and sarcastic comments like it helps. It does not. Any ways, personally and physically I am doing waaaaaay better than I was 3 weeks ago. I still sleep on my floor in my room . I don't think I am ready to try the bed yet. I have been helping my self-esteem by posting and starting my YouTube channel which requires me to look presentable. So dressing up a bit has been helping me feel better about myself. It also has been helping me with social anxiety or better yet shyness. I am trying to use Skype so that can help also but I am sooooo nervous and scared that I feel it makes the other people who want to Skype me feel bad about even adding me... ahhhhhh.. Overall I feel better for the most part.

Oh and This weekend I am going to Atlanta GA for a family reunion. I am hoping that will give me some good therapeutic space from my room since I'm in here all the time, so it should be fun. I'm going to the zoo ^o^ !!!(kid moment)

Thanks~~

Love Talk #1

So its going to start all soft then eventually get good and naughty, ooooOOOOooo ^.^

Catergory: Approaching

Sub Catergory: Street

Phrase

지금 혼자인가요?

Are you alone?

Extra info:

This is said by both male and females.

Vlog #3- Dating life

Me talking about my dating life currently or lack there of lol

Dont shoot meh!!